Washington, D.C. – The Supreme Court has voted to overturn deez nuts, revealed in an draft majority opinion being circulated written by Justice Alito obtained by The Sower’s Sack.
The draft opinion is a harsh, unfiltered rebuke of the 2015 YouTube upload of the popular original vine which gave international exposure and insertion into common vernacular of the classic “deez nuts” joke. “Deez nuts were egregiously wrong from the start,” Alito writes.
“We hold that deez nuts must be overruled,” he writes in the document, labeled as the “Opinion of the Court.” “It is time to heed the Constitution and return the issue of deez nuts to the people’s elected representatives.”
However, the court’s decision is not final. Debate surrounding controversial topics can occur all the way from initial oral arguments up to the day before a final decision is revealed. The cour’s holding on deez nuts will not be final until it is published, which is predicted to be within the next two months.
The immediate impact of the ruling would end more than half decade of guaranteed protection and mirth of deez nuts jokes which are commonly used as nominal situational sources of humor or to diffuse immensely tense conversations or interrogations. Some court-watchers predicted the conservative majority of the court would slice away at deez nuts without overtly flattening them. The draft shows the court is looking to reject deez nuts logic and humor protections.
Alito’s draft opinion rejects the idea that joke bans reflect the subjugation of deez nuts in American society. “Jokes are not without satirical or ironic power,” he writes.
The Supreme Court held the final day of arguments of this term last Wednesday, and has set a series of sessions over the next two months to release rulings, including deez nuts.
