Uvalde, TX (TSS) – A horrifying and traumatic event for most of the world population, the mass shooting at a Texas elementary school on Tuesday left some seething with jealous rage. Third grader Timothy Watkans, aka “Little Timmy”, is just overflowing with passionate envy that 18 of his schoolmates had revealed to them the divine and consecrated meaning of the Founding Father’s intentions behind the Second Amendment. “Most people just think it’s (the Constitution) some old crusty text written over 200 years ago in a world with completely different societal and technological structure, but they are blind to its true hallowed meaning,” Little Timmy remarked. He continued to explain that to be slaughtered by a firearm is exactly the transcendental and sanctified experience he yearns for every single day he steps foot into his school. “I am just so jealous,” he added, “that these schoolmates of mine were lucky enough to witness to such a spiritual event. I was just finishing drying my hands in the bathroom, because I drank way too much apple juice this morning on the bus, when I heard the shots ringing down the hallway. So I sprinted toward the ensuing commotion in hopes I could attain a glimpse of bliss. But, nay, the other children and the gunman were already shot dead. Don’t get me wrong, I am very proud the gunman was just exercising his second amendment rights, just as the Founding Fathers intended.” He also wanted to let his parents know that it isn’t his fault he wasn’t killed, and he will not drink as much apple juice next time so that he can stay in his classroom at all times for future shootings.